Tag Archives: Kevin Conway

The Funhouse (1981)

By Richrd Winters

My Rating: 5 out of 10

4-Word Review: Terror at the carnival.

Amy (Elizabeth Berridge) is a teen who goes out on a double date with her new boyfriend Buzz (Cooper Huckabee) along with her friend Li (Largo Woodruff) and her boyfriend Richie (Miles Chapin). Despite her reluctance, and promising her parents that she wouldn’t, she goes along with the three to the traveling carnival that is in town. While there Richie comes up with the idea that they should spend the night in the funhouse as a dare. The four sneak into the attic, but then witness, through the cracks in the floorboards, one of the carnival workers, who wears a mask to hide his hideously deformed face, kill Carmelita (Sylia Miles) the fortune teller. When the funhouse barker (Kevin Conway) realizes they’ve witnessed it, as well as stolen their money, they go after the kids, who are now trapped.

While the plot has some intriguing elements and the pacing manages to keep things creepy, I did feel that the creativity was lacking. Nowhere is this more evident than the opening bit where Amy’s kid brother attacks her with a rubber knife while she’s in the shower that is a complete rip-off from both Psycho and Halloween. The storyline is bland and predictable. I was hoping for something more surreal like they go into the funhouse and all these freaky things begin to happen to them and then find themselves trapped inside and forced to fight off a mysterious demonic power.

The killer that is named Gunther and played by Wayne Doba I didn’t find scary at all. He wears a Frankenstein mask most of the time and then when his true hideous face is exposed it really wasn’t the shocking moment that I think the filmmakers had intended. Despite being created by noted special effects artist Rick Baker I felt it looked very much like a plastic mask that just didn’t seem all that grotesque. You also feel somewhat sorry for the guy. Like he’s someone who’s been mistreated and not necessarily fear. In Larry Block’s original script Gunther was shown raping and killing another couple who had come to the funhouse earlier. While this would’ve been much more violent, I think it would’ve also heightened the tension. It’d make clear right from the start that this was a dangerous guy with bad intent instead of sitting around for the first 30-minutes not knowing exactly what’s going to happen, or even who the true villain is.

The acting is good all-around especially Berridge who has a natural beauty and behaves the way a shy, awkward teen would, and you feel bonded to her emotionally. In fact, for me the scariest part of the whole film, and the most memorable, is when she sees her parents at the carnival, while she’s trapped in the funhouse, and she scream out to them for help, but they can’t hear her due to the large electrical fan.

Spoiler Alert!

The supporting cast is good too as each of the teens has a distinct personality and avoid for the most part as coming off like caricatures. Miles Chapin plays the guy that just keeps getting the group in more and more trouble. First, he’s the one that comes up with the idea of spending the night there, then he steals the money, which makes the barker want to go after them and then it’s his lighter that falls through the floorboard cracks that alerts everyone to their whereabouts. He was such an idiot that when his dead body, that has an ax through the back of his head, comes wheeling by, I felt the remaining three should’ve cheered it instead of being horrified. At least when he’s dead, he can’t get them into any more of a mess.

Conway is excellent and so is Sylvia Miles, who at the time was the most well-known member of the cast. I loved the moment where she’s giving this fake psychic reading and her accent changes midway through. Having her get killed though was a real disappointment as keeping her working alongside the two men to get the kids would’ve made it more interesting. I didn’t feel the scenes where Gunther pays her to have sex with him and then prematurely ejaculates was even needed. Just having the kids steal their money would’ve been enough motive to have them chased down.

In 2017 writer Larry Block was able to buy back his screenplay in an attempt to produce a remake that would stay more loyal to the way it was originally written. I think it’s worth a shot as this version misses-the-mark though there’s been no updates about it since then.

My Rating: 4 out of 10

Released: March 13, 1081

Runtime: 1 Hour 36 Minutes

Rated R

Director: Tobe Hooper

Studio: Universal

Available: DVD, Blu-ray, Amazon Video

Paradise Alley (1978)

paradise

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 5 out of 10

4-Word Review: Promoting brother as wrestler.

Cosmo (Sylvester Stallone) is a local street hustler in Hell’s Kitchen who will attempt just about anything to make a buck even pretending to be a homeless person begging for money. Eventually he gets the idea of turning his younger brother Victor (Lee Canalito) into a wrestler and then promoting his bouts inside the ring with others. Victor, who’s strong and well built, initially resists, but he eventually grows tired of his job hauling ice blocks and decides to give in. Cosmo’s other brother Lenny (Armand Assante), a war veteran who walks with a limp, is not keen to the idea either, but through prodding comes onboard as Victor’s manager. Things start out well, but the despite winning the contests Victor’s body takes quite a toll and Cosmo ultimately believes it’s time to give up on it, but Lenny, who begins to enjoy the money he’s making as manager, refuses to let up and pushes Victor into more and more dangerous matchups, which Cosmo’s worries may be putting Victor at too much risk.

The script was written by Stallone that was initially started as a novel. He wrote this before Rocky, but couldn’t get anyone interested in financing it though he was at least able to get it optioned. He then had an acting audition with two producers, Irwin Winkler and Robert Chartoff, while he didn’t get the part he did mention, as he was walking out, about this script. The two men were interested in looking it over, but the other producer who Stallone had optioned it to refused to give it up, so Sly instead wrote Rocky, which he then handed over to Chartoff and Winkler, which was green-lit. Then when that became a runaway success the producers agreed to finance this one even allowing Stallone to not only star, but also direct.

Unfortunately the result here is a mish-mash with things being off-kilter right from the start. The absurd race that Stallone has with another man, done over the opening credits, where the two jump from one tall city building to another seemed hard to believe. At some point one or both are going to miss hitting the other side and fall most likely to their death, which does happen eventually, but the guy is lucky enough to conveniently hang onto an outdoor clothes line though with no explanation for how he got down from that and Stallone, supposedly his friend, just laughs at him dangling there and struts away. Stallone also sings the opening song, which is dreadful.

Things really don’t improve much from there. There are a few nice camera angles and provocative close-ups here and there, but the scenes meander to the point there doesn’t seem to be any momentum, or story. The tone shifts precariously from gritty realism to romanticized idealism. The characters aren’t consistent either. Stallone is the one that initially involved in pushing his reluctant brother into the ring while Assante is very cautious and then for some inexplicable reason this gets reversed with Stallone warning of the danger while Assante becomes overly driven. However, for it to make sense there needs to be an explanation for this big change between the two and none is given making their mutual character archs poorly fleshed-out.

Stallone is certainly engaging though his likability gets tested especially with the segment where he ties up a live monkey, even puts a gag in its mouth, and then dangles it from the ceiling. Anne Archer is fun and virtually almost unrecognizable sporting a red hairdo while playing a sassy Italian love interest. Kevin Conway is highly amusing as the heavy who talks tough when surrounded by his henchmen, but proves wimpy when all alone and his climatic pants pulldown is a hoot. Noted real-life wrestler Terry Funk is quite memorable as the muscled bully and the arm wrestling match-up between he and Victor where the mounting sweat glistens off his body as he struggles to keep his arm from hitting the table is one of the movie’s highlights.

The climactic wrestling match done inside a building with a very leaky roof where the action is done in slow-motion with water splashing all over does have its moments though it eventually becomes redundant. While there’s flashes of occasional brilliance it never fully comes together. A tighter script and more consistent tone were sorely needed and Victor, who’s the only likable guy of the bunch, required more of a multi-dimensional context. The fact that he could beat-up anyone and do it in such a humble way while never having to pay the ultimate price either physically or mentally just isn’t believable.

My Rating: 5 out of 10

Released: September 22, 1978

Runtime: 1 Hour 47 Minutes

Rated PG

Director: Sylvester Stallone

Studio: Universal

Available: DVD, Blu-ray, Amazon Video, YouTube