Tag Archives: Larry Wilcox

The Last Hard Men (1976)

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By Richard Winters

My Rating: 3 out of 10

4-Word Review: Kidnapping a lawmen’s daughter.

Based on the 1971 novel ‘Gundown’ by Brian Garfield who’s better known for having written Death Wish, the story is set in 1909 and centers on Sam Burgade (Charlton Heston) a retired lawman living with his grown daughter Susan (Barbara Hershey) who is engaged to Hal (Christopher Mitchum). They though are tormented by Provo (James Coburn) and his gang who have just busted out of a Yuma prison. Provo seeks revenge on Sam because years earlier Sam killed Provo’s Indian wife during a shoot-out. Provo though doesn’t want to just kill Sam, but instead inflict the cruelest revenge possible by kidnapping Susan and then having his men gang rape her while both Sam and Hal are forced to watch.

A stale, unimaginative approach that lacks any atmosphere and makes getting into it rather hard. Coburn and Heston are given equal screen time, so it’s confusing who we’re supposed to be rooting for. Sure Coburn has dark motives, but he also at one point gets rid of one of his own men (Robert Donner) for being a racist, so he’s not completely bad. The film’s biggest transgression is that it never shows, via flashback, the crucial shoot-out between the two that caused Provo to get so angry. Just having Heston briefly describe the incident to his daughter is not enough we needed to see what happened for ourselves especially since Heston becomes downright skittish about what went on and like maybe he had something to hide. Without having it played-out the movie lacks much needed context.

Coburn is a personal favorite, but as the protagonist, which he always does quite colorfully. As the villain it doesn’t work and he seems unable, or unwilling to go to the nasty depth that the script demands and instead leaves this to his henchmen, played by John Quade. Heston is adequate and Mitchum (Robert’s son) certainly displays a youthful, wide-eyed quality and it’s intriguing seeing how he grows from a young man who doesn’t seem rugged enough to take on the challenge to eventually proving himself.

In support I enjoyed Larry Wilcox, but known for starring in the ‘CHIPS’ TV-show, as he’s one of the evil henchmen that manages to show some redeeming qualities and it’s genuinely sad when he gets shot. While I’m a fan of Hershey and appreciated how she took a stretch here by playing a part outside her comfort zone I still felt she was miscast. The character needed to be sheltered and helpless in order to get the viewer to care about her predicament, but she’s too savvy and streetwise from the start making it seem like she can handle matters and take care of herself, which lessens the tension. Having her grow into becoming this way during the ordeal would’ve been more interesting.

Spoiler Alert!

The third act does have a few moments that enliven things including a large bush fire that gets started by Heston that traps Coburn and his men, but the scene that really stood out is the gang rape of Hershey, which gets done in slow-motion on the side of a hill. I’ve seen many films that feature a rape, but never done in this way, which almost gives it a sort-of lyrical quality and the only thing from the movie that stands-out. Yet even this gets botched as Heston doesn’t run out from his hiding spot to save his daughter when it occurs making it seem like he might’ve been cowardly and this was a personality trait he had been hiding only for us to learn that it was because Mitchum who knocked him out, but this seemed implausible. Heston was much bigger than Mitchum and proved to be far more astute than him in everything else, so why would this be the one moment when the young kid would be able to overpower him?

The story would’ve been more intriguing had this moment exposed a flaw in Heston’s character, which would’ve given this otherwise one-dimensional story the depth and unexpected twist that was needed and it’s just a shame it didn’t take it. Certainly if put in better hands this is the kind of material that could have strong potential, but the way it gets played-out here, even with the violent moments, it’s boring and a disappointment.

My Rating: 3 out of 10

Released: June 1, 1976

Runtime: 1 Hour 37 Minutes

Rated R

Director: Andrew V. McLaglen

Studio: 20th Century Fox

Available: DVD, Amazon Video, YouTube

The Girl Most Likely to…(1973)

girl most likely 1

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 6 out of 10

4-Word Review: Ugly girl gets revenge.

Miriam (Stockard Channing) is a homely student attending college who can’t seem to find a boyfriend or even any friends. Instead she is ostracized and rejected constantly in the cruelest ways possible. Upset by her depressing life she one day gets into her car and drives recklessly down the highway only to get into a crash, which forces surgeons to do major reconstructive surgery on her face that amazingly turns her into a beautiful woman. Now she can have any guy that she wants, but the bitterness of the way she was treated in the past eats away at her and she instead decides to get revenge by killing off all the people that rejected her using increasingly novel methods.

This made-for-TV film was written by Joan Rivers and it has the same humor that she used in her stand-up comedy act, which mainly focused on women’s deep seated insecurities involving their looks and the need to get married and please their husband. To some degree the whole thing is quite dated particularly the idea that a woman’s sole purpose in life is to use their looks to snare a rich husband who will then take care of them for the rest of their life. The humor and characters are also extremely clichéd and broad, but it still manages to have some funny bits.

Channing’s presence helps immensely and she manages to somehow carry off the role with dignity despite being degraded and humiliated at every turn. Her ugly makeover is impressive particularly the way they wadded up her nose to make her left nostril much larger than the right one, which had me reluctantly focused on it every time it came into view.

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The supporting cast features many familiar faces in small, bit parts some of which are quite funny including Joe Flynn as a surgeon unable to find a patient’s appendix, Larry Wilcox as a dumb football player named Moose, Warren Berlinger as Miriam’s plumber fiancée and Susanne Zenor as the haughty roommate. This also marks the acting debut of Larry Manetti who can be spotted in a small role as a football player.

The murders themselves are what help stand this film apart from the others in what otherwise could be described as a Carrie precursor. The scene where Miriam kills off the Wilcox character while skydiving is impressively captured as is the segment where Berlinger drowns in a flood in his own bathroom. The only one that doesn’t quite make sense is when she tries to kill a pool player by having him hit the eight ball that is secretly a bomb. However, when it does finally go off, it explodes the entire pool hall, which would’ve easily killed Miriam along with the others had she not been inadvertently lead away at the last minute.

Fans of black humor should especially enjoy this and for a TV-movie it is far and away better than most. It also scores better than River’s theatrical feature Rabbit Test, which she did five years later and wasn’t funny at all.

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My Rating: 6 out of 10

Released: November 6, 1973

Runtime: 1Hour 15Minutes

Not Rated

Director: Lee Phillips

Studio: ABC Circle Films

Available: DVD