Tag Archives: Chris Lemmon

C.O.D. (1981)

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By Richard Winters

My Rating: 1 out of 10

4-Word Review: Signing-up bra models.

T. B. Dumore (Nicholas Saunders) is the aging owner of the Beaver Bra Company who’s finding that consumer interests in their product is waning, so he comes-up with what he feels is a ‘can’t-miss’ campaign, which entails them bringing-in 5 world famous women, including the President’s daughter (played by Teresa Ganzel in her film debut) to model their bras in their new ads. Albert Zack (Chris Lemmon), the company’s advertising salesmen, is commissioned to seek out the women and get them signed to a contract. Albert feels the task is monumental, but uses the help of Holly (Olivia Pascal), a beautiful German woman that he meets as he travels the globe to find the 5 women, to help him do it.

This film was directed by Chuck Vincent, who gained notoriety in the 70’s for directing a lot of X-rated fare, but decided to break into mainstream movies in an attempt to list a more ‘respectable’ product on his resume. His first stab at ‘legit’ filmmaking was American Tickler, a slap-dash, skit oriented parody of the current hit movies of the 70’s that was universally derided by both critics and audiences alike. This feature marked his second go at ‘legit’ that fared even worse and sent him pretty much back to porn making where he was slightly better until dying at the young age of 51 from AIDS in 1991.

At least with the porn flicks they had some redeeming value, namely helping those get-off while this movie offers nothing. To call the humor mind-numbingly lame would be an understatement, but the plot, which is incredibly stupid to begin with, goes nowhere and filled with a lot of cheap unimaginative gags that wouldn’t impress a 4-year-old. There isn’t even any nudity, a little bit, but not as much as you’d expect making you wonder what exactly was the audience that they were aiming for as the insipid comedy alone was clearly not going to cut-it.

Chris Lemmon, the son of the far more famous Jack Lemmon, is the one who should be really embarrassed. His father prodded him to become a professional pianist, of which he’s apparently quite good at, but Chris wanted to follow in his father’s foot steps and get into acting. Some children of famous stars, like Michael Douglas, the son of Kirk, can end up having a flourishing career of their own, but Chris’ was nothing to write-home-about mainly because of being in cheap-o stuff like this making me believe his dad knew what he was talking about when he prodded him to stick with the piano playing. It’s not like his acting is bad, he resembles his father with a fuller head of hair, but the material gives him little to work with.

Unbelievably there are a few scenes that had me chuckling a little. The best one is where a guest at an upscale dinner party is forced to fight with a live lobster on his plate because Lemmon, who was pretending to be a gourmet cook, didn’t have the heart to kill it, which had potential, but needed to be played-up more. Everything else though falls flat. Had they approached it in a satirical vein, or had a synopsis that people could actually relate to, then maybe, but playing it as an unrestrained farce that nobody asked for is a dismal failure that’s best left at the bottom of the forgotten movie vault shelf.

Alternate Title: SNAP! 

My Rating: 1 out of 10

Release: July 3, 1981

Runtime: 1 Hour 36 Minutes

Rated PG

Director: Chuck Vincent

Studio: Metro Film

Available: dvdlady