Category Archives: Parody

S*P*Y*S (1974)

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 4 out of 10

4-Word Review: Targeted to be killed.

Bruland (Donald Sutherland) and Griff (Elliot Gould) are two CIA agents stationed in France who prove to be inept at every turn. When they accidentally kill a Russian gymnast defector (Michael Petrovitch) the head of the CIA Paris unit, Martinson (Joss Ackland), makes a deal with the soviets to have the two killed. This would then avoid a dangerous retaliation that could lead to a nuclear war. However, neither Bruland or Griff are made aware of this until they start getting attacked by people from all ends including the KGB, the CIA, the Chinese communists, and even a French terrorist group. In their pursuit to survive the two, who initially disliked the other, form an uneasy alliance.

The film’s original title was ‘Wet Stuff’, but the producers wanted a tie-in with M*A*S*H that had been hugely successful and also starred Gould and Sutherland, so they changed it to make it seem similar to that one, but the attempt failed and the movie became a huge bomb with the both audiences and critics alike. Viewers came in expecting the same irreverent humor, which this doesn’t have, so audiences left disappointed and the word of mouth quickly spread causing it to play in the theaters for only a short while. The irony though is that in countries that hadn’t seen M*A*S*H, like the Netherlands and Germany, it fared better because the expectations going in weren’t as high.

On a comic level it’s not bad and even has its share of amusing bits. The way the defector gets killed, shot by a gun disguised as a camera, was clever and there’s also a unique car chase in which Gould takes over the steering wheel from the backseat while someone else puts their foot to the pedal. The initial rendezvous between Sutherland and his on-and-off girlfriend (Zouzou) has its moments too as he finds her in bed with another guy while a second one is in the bathroom forcing him to have to pee in the kitchen sink. Gould then, who thought she was ‘raping him with her eyes’ when they first met, takes over and gets into a threesome while the dejected Sutherland has to sleep on the couch.

On the negative end the characterizations are poor to the point of being nonexistent. Initially it comes-off like Gould and Sutherland are rivals, which could’ve been an interesting dynamic, but this gets smoothed over too quickly. Having the two bicker and compete would’ve been far more fun. There’s also no sense of urgency. While Sutherland does lose his spy job and forced to pretend to feign illness to get out of paying a restaurant bill it’s then later revealed that he did have the money, but this then ruins any possible tension. Had they been in a true desperate situation the viewer might’ve gotten more caught up in their dilemma, but as it is it’s just too playful. The villains are equally clownish and in fact become the center of the comedy by the final act, which takes place at a wedding, while the two leads sit back and watch making them benign observers in their own vehicle.

The film needed somebody that was normal and the viewer could identify with. Buffoons can be entertaining, but ultimately someone needs to anchor it and this movie has no one. I thought for a while that Zouzou would be that person, and she could’ve been good, but she and her terrorist pals end up trying to assassinate the two like everybody else, which adds too much to the already cluttered chaos. The satire also needed to be centered on something. For instance, with Airplane the humor was structured around famous disaster flicks from the 70’s and all the jokes had a knowing tie-in. Here though it’s all over the place. Yes, it pokes fun of spies, but that’s too easy, and having it connected to let’s say James Bond movies would’ve given it a clearer angle and slicker storyline.

Since it did have a modicum of success in certain countries it convinced screenwriter Malcolm Marmorstein to continue to pursue the formula as he was sure it was simply the botched marketing that had ruined this one, so he wrote another parody script, this time poking fun at the army, just a year later, which also starred Gould, and was called Whiffs, which will be reviewed next.

My Rating: 4 out of 10

Released: June 28, 1974

Runtime: 1 Hour 40 Minutes

Rated PG

Director: Irvin Kershner

Studio: 20th Century Fox

Available: DVD-R

The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 6 out of 10

4-Word Review: Zucker brother’s first movie.

In 1974 there was the release of The Groove Tube which had a format of comical skits, much like a variety show, that managed to be a big hit and thus ushered in several imitators causing a whole new genre to surface. Unfortunately, those copycats didn’t fare as well and many of them were downright lame. By 1977 the trend had died off and yet brothers David and Jerry Zucker along with their friend Jim Abrahams were motivated to make another one revolving around funny sketches that had gotten a good response from audiences during their improvisational shows done on stage. The studios though weren’t impressed citing the decline in box office receipts towards sketch movies and thus refused their request for financing. They were then able to get a verbal deal from a wealthy real estate developer who agreed to fund the project as long as they made a 10-minute short that he could use to shop around to attract other investors, but when he found out how much it would cost just to produce the short he pulled out forcing the Zuckers to put up their own money, which amounted to $35,000, to get the short made.

This though proved to be beneficial as it attracted the attention of a young up-and-coming filmmaker John Landis, who had just gotten done directing Schlock on a minuscule budget and felt he could do the same here. It also got shown to Kim Jorgenson a theater owner who found it so funny he got other owners to play it before the main feature, and this was enough to get them to pool their money into a $650,000 budget that when completed made a whopping $7.1 million at the box office. This then directly lead to them getting studio backing for their most well-known hit Airplane which was a script that they had written before doing this one but had been previously unable to get any backing for.

Like with most films made during the brief period when this genre was ‘hot’ the jokes and skits are hit-or-miss. The opening sequences dealing with a TV news show are the weakest. Watching a reporter pick his nose because he doesn’t realize that he’s on the air isn’t really all that outrageous when today YouTube has actual news bloopers showing essentially the same thing. Having an ape go berserk in the studio during a live broadcast was too obvious and telegraphs the punchline to the viewer right from the beginning and thus making the outcome quite predictable.

The parody of Bruce Lee movies entitled ‘A Fistful of Yen’ definitely has its share of amusing moments though it goes on a bit too long and the special effects look cheap. My favorite segments came after this one and take up most of the final 20-minutes. These include Hare Krishna monks going to the bar after a ‘hard day of work’ harassing people on the street. There’s also ‘The Courtroom’ skit that’s a parody of Perry Mason-style TV-shows from the 50’s. The Zinc Oxide bit involving a housewife, played by Nancy Steen, who’s forced to face the reality of what life would be like if all the items in her house that was made from Zinc Oxide suddenly disappeared.

The film also features well-known actors who volunteered their time with little pay and appear in brief cameos. These include Bill Bixby as a spokesperson for a send-up of aspirin commercials. There’s also Donald Sutherland who plays a klutzy waiter during a parody of disaster flicks, Tony Dow playing his most famous role of Wally from ‘Leave it to Beaver’ as a jury in the Courtroom and Henry Gibson, in what I found to be both the funniest and darkest skit, where he essentially plays himself in a mock add showing how parents (Reberta Kent, Christopher Hanks) can still keep their deceased son as a ‘a part of their family’ by bringing along his increasingly decomposed corpse with them wherever they go.

My Rating: 6 out of 10

Released: August 10, 1977

Runtime: 1 Hour 23 Minutes

Rated R

Director: John Landis

Studio: United Film Distribution Company

Available: DVD, Blu-ray, Amazon Video, Plex, Pluto TV, Roku, Tubi, YouTube

Student Bodies (1981)

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 6 out of 10

4-Word Review: Who is ‘the breather’?

A killer, simply known as ‘the breather’, is stalking students of Lamab High School. His first victims are Julie (Angela Bressler) and her boyfriend Charlie (Keith Singleton). He then proceeds to hack away more students with the police seemingly unable to do anything about it. Fellow student Toby (Kristen Riter) decides to take matters into her own hands by investigating things on her own only to end up getting incriminated as the killer, which forces her to try and convince others that she’s not the one.

This film, like Jekyll and Hyde…Together Again, is the product of the 1980 writer’s strike where Paramount was looking for scripts that could be produced on a modest budget with a nonunion crew in an effort to have some movies released to the theaters while the strike wore on. This was deemed at the time to be a perfect fit as studio heads were impressed with the box office smash Airplane that had come out a year earlier and been a parody of disaster flicks and they were hoping this film would not only cash in on audiences that had liked that one, but also for those who were into slasher films, which at the time were proving to be quite popular. The end result was a modest success with the movie making a $5.2 million profit off of a $510,000 budget. Though it really didn’t obtain its cult following until it began airing on late night cable TV during the 90’s.

While there had been horror movie parodies before those made fun of the standard haunted house theme while this was the first to satirize slasher movies, which up to that point had only been around for a few years. I was though leery as this was written and directed by Mickey Rose, best known as a script collaborator on many of Woody Allen’s movies, but who had ventured on his own to write and direct I Wonder Who’s Killer Her Now? 5 years earlier, which I considered incredibly lame and feared more of the same here. However, to my surprise, this one wasn’t bad, with probably the best moments coming right at the start, which is a perfect send-up of When a Stranger Calls. What makes this one work is that those behind the scenes, including the talented writer Jerry Belson and producer Michael Ritchie, is that they had clearly watched a lot of horror movies and therefore the humor, at least at the beginning, is laser sharp, versus other horror parodies, including Pandemonium, which came out a year later, that seemed to be made by people who really hadn’t watch horror and were just throwing in any dumb gag that they could.  The film also has an engaging protagonist, played by Riter who gives a splendid performance and it’s a shame this was her only movie.

Of course there are some detractions. The onscreen titles that flash on every once in a while, get annoying. I didn’t mind it alerting us to the body count, including when Riter kills a fly, which gets considered as a ‘1/2’ a death, but flashing on every time someone leaves a door unlocked, became a bit overdone and heavy-handed. There’s also a few ‘ program interruptions’ like when a spokesman comes on to advise that he must say the work ‘fuck’ in order to get an R-rating as those movies tend to make more money, which while somewhat funny, gives the film too much of a skit-like feel.

The film also lacks any gore or violence even though that was the whole mainstay of slasher movies to begin with. There could’ve been several reasons for this, but I think the main one was that the cultural elites at the time, and I know because I was around then, considered slasher films to be ‘lowbrow’ and onscreen blood effects as ‘tasteless’. The chic argument was that horror movies shouldn’t need gore to be scary and slasher flicks were simply a ‘passing fad’ that would eventually die off into obscurity though 40 years later the exact opposite has happened. Horror movies are now the fastest growing genre and the ‘distasteful’ slasher films of the 80’s are now considered classics. Films like Shaun of the Dead have proven that you can have a lot of blood and guts and still be funny, so this movie misses out and leads to a very boring middle half in which the humor starts to become strained mainly because they run out of ideas, which some funny gore could’ve helped fill-in. It also makes it seem like only half a parody when the main modern horror ingredient, the violence, gets completely glossed over. 

Spoiler Alert!

I did though really like the wrap-up, despite Leonard Maltin, who called the ending ‘really bad’. I considered it one of the best aspects especially the dream sequence where Riter goes down the school’s hallway and victims seemingly come back to life and pop-out of the classroom doors. The Wizard of Oz spin in which the characters from the dream, which is basically the entire movie, are shown to have the exact opposite personalities in ‘real-life’ when Riter wakes-up, I found to be quite creative. I got kick out of the Carrie take-off too, which I knew had to be coming at some point, that had Riter’s hand bursts out of the ground after she’s dead. My only quibble here is that, since it was her boyfriend who killed her and he’s the one bending over her grave, there should’ve been a knife in her hand when it comes out of the ground and thus stabbing him in revenge. 

My Rating: 6 out of 10

Released: August 7, 1981

Runtime: 1 Hour 25 Minutes

Rated R

Director: Mickey Rose

Studio: Paramount

Available: DVD, Blu-ray, Amazon Video, YouTube

Jekyll and Hyde…Together Again (1982)

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 5 out of 10

4-Word Review: Drug changes surgeon’s personality.

Dr. Daniel Jekyll (Mark Blankfield) is a respected surgeon who’s become tired of the pressures of his job and working for Dr. Carew (Michael McGuire) a hospital administrator whose only concern is the monetary bottom line and who wants Jekyll to perform experimental surgery on ‘the world’s richest man’ (Peter Brocco), which Jekyll resists. In private during his off-hours, he begins experimenting with a white substance while inside his lab, but the demands from his personal and private life cause him to fall asleep where he accidentally inhales the drug, which causes him to have a secondary personality. His new persona is a party animal that is more confident and outgoing to the point of being obnoxious. This split personality causes issues with the two women in his life Mary (Bess Armstrong), a snobby socialite and Ivy (Krista Errickson), a loose living sex worker. 

This marked the directorial debut of Jerry Belson, a very talented comedy writer who wrote for such classic sitcoms as the ‘Dick Van Dyke Show’ before graduating onto movies where he penned scripts for the brilliant satire Smile as well as the dark comedy classic The EndWhile those other films were consistently funny and observational this film panders more on the crude side with a lot of drug references that may have seemed hip at the time but will most likely come off as dated and in bad taste to today’s viewers. It does have a certain Airplane-like element to it where there’s a lot of visually humorous non-sequiturs going on in the background as well as amusing ‘announcements’ that gets said over the hospital’s intercom, which I found to be some of the funniest stuff in the movie. However, there’s just not enough of it to keep it afloat and there’s also a lot of juvenile silly stuff that also gets thrown in, which does nothing but tank the whole thing making it seem like its intent was to be a party movie to be enjoyed by those who are either half-drunk, or high when they viewed it.

The script almost didn’t even see the light of day and stayed stuck in turnaround for several years as most producers and studio execs were not thrilled with it, but in the Spring of 1981 with a director’s strike pending Michael Eisner, the then head of Paramount, choose this script as something that could be shot on the cheap and quickly produced, so that the studio would have something to release should the strike occur. Unfortunately, four different writers were hired on to help doctor it, which only further diluted things making it a comic mishmash that never really gels.

Blankfied, who at the time was best known for his work on the ‘Fridays’ TV-show, which was ABC’s irreverent late-night answer to NBC’s ‘Saturday Night Live’ does not play the main role, at least during his scenes as the strait-laced doctor, all that well, which further hampers things. For one thing he looks creepy when he’s supposed to be normal. As the crazy Hyde character, he’s quite funny, but as a regular guy he’s dull. Tim Thomerson, who plays the narcist plastic surgeon, has the dashing good looks of what you’d expect for a leading man while also being engaging, which is why he should’ve played the Jekyll part and then Blankfield brought in to play Hyde and the whole thing would’ve worked much better. It still could’ve on paper revolved around the split personality of the same person, but just having a different actor play each part. 

Brocco, who’s almost unrecognizable as he sports a long white beard, is good as the elderly, but arrogant rich man and McGuire has one really good scene where he goes on one long, uncontrolled laugh attack. Errickson is cute, which helps things, though it would’ve been great had there been a little nudity on her end, which with the film being so utterly sophomoric and drive-in worthy anyways, you would’ve expected some, but there actually isn’t any. Armstong though plays her part too much like a caricature and thus her moments aren’t interesting and even a bit annoying. 

The scene where Hyde steals a car with the middle-aged lady driver in it and then lodges her head inside the car’s rooftop window, which causes her screams to sound like a siren to others as the vehicle tears down the road, is a gem of a moment. Hyde’s singing performance at an awards ceremony, where he does a striptease to show that he’s got nothing to ‘hyde’, is really inspired too. There’s even a quick scene involving George Wendt as a man with a severed hand who decides he’d rather have his wife ‘sew it back on’ than the doctor. I might even give an extra point to the segment where Blankfield accidentally sniffs up the white stuff in his sleep, but some of the other jokes dealing with the late 70’s drug culture I didn’t particularly care for and hence the movie doesn’t succeed as well, which also most likely helps to explain why it fared poorly at the box office.  

My Rating: 5 out of 10

Released: October 1, 1982

Runtime: 1 Hour 27 Minutes

Rated R

Director: Jerry Belson

Studio: Paramount

Available: DVD, Blu-ray, Amazon Video, YouTube

Love and Death (1975)

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 5 out of 10

4-Word Review: Attempting to assassinate Napolean.

Boris (Woody Allen) is a scrawny guy who gets overlooked by others as his three brothers tower over him. He’s secretly in love with Sonja (Diane Keaton) who he’s been friends with since childhood, yet she’s instead infatuated with Ivan, one of Boris’ brothers. However, none of his brothers are into her, so she marries someone else while Boris remains a bachelor who occasionally fools around with beautiful women like a Countess (Olga Georges-Picot), which causes her lover Anton (Harold Gould) to challenge Boris to a gun duel. Thinking Boris won’t be able to survive the dual Sonja agrees to marry him if he survives, which he miraculously does. Once married they then concoct a plan to assassinate Napolean (James Tolkan) unaware that who they’re really going after is actually an undercover double.

Allen was in the midst of writing a screenplay dealing with a New York couple who try to solve a murder, which became Manhattan Murder Mystery, but was going through a writer’s block, so he began reading a novel about Russian history, which then inspired him to write this script. Since it was nearing the deadline to have a script ready for production, he decided to submit this one, which immediately went into filming while the other one didn’t end up getting completed until 1993.

Many critics and fans at the time liked this one and it ended up making $9 million at the box office off of a $3 million budget with Gene Siskel especially enjoying it as he gave it 4 stars while commenting that he liked Allen’s return to a ‘gag driven dialogue’ versus ‘attempting to develop a story’, but personally for me I felt this was what was wrong with it. While it does start out funny as it parodies 18th Century Russian society and has one really great bit dealing with a ‘hygiene play’ warning soldiers about VD and condoms it does tend to meander quite a bit. The middle part is the most sluggish with many of the gags falling flat almost like he’d run out of ideas and was just trying to desperately throw anything in to keep it going making it come off more like an unending skit instead of a movie.

Allen’s presence while amusing most of the way becomes a bit of a detriment. Much of this can be blamed on the fact that he’s playing essentially the same character that he does in all of his movies. Case in point comes at the beginning before he officially says anything on screen and I thought to myself I bet he’s going to mention something about atheism and sure enough that’s exactly what he does talk about making it predictable and redundant. Would’ve been nice for irony’s sake had he played someone who had a deep belief in God only to lose his faith after he goes through the war, which would’ve created a nice character arc of which there really isn’t one.

There’s also the issue of him having no Russian accent nor making even a slight attempt at one. Granted Keaton doesn’t speak in an accent either though maybe you can chalk it up to her great acting that she still seems of the period anyways while Allen very much comes off like someone who doesn’t really belong there. He repeatedly makes anachronistic statements, which from time to time are amusing, but technically don’t fit within the setting. It actually would’ve made more sense to have Allen simply be a modern-day New Yorker who finds a time machine and gets zapped away into 18th Century Russia and then wanders around making comments about things, which wouldn’t have disrupted the film all that much and besides adding one little scene at the beginning showing him going into the time travel contraption there wouldn’t have needed to be anything else changed. It literally would’ve been the exact same movie and in some ways been a lot funnier, and perceptive, because of it.

It does end on a strong note as it pokes fun of Ingmar Bergman movies and even has Jessica Harper showing up. Yet I still felt most of the way it throws in whatever it can for a cheap laugh with much of the jokes, particularly in the middle, not really landing. Many fans didn’t like the way Allen crossed over to doing drama just a few years later, but after watching this I started to believe he had used up all of his comical concepts that by this time was just repeating itself and thus his foray into more serious subjects was inevitable.

My Rating: 5 out of 10

Released: June 10, 1975

Runtime: 1 Hour 25 Minutes

Rated PG

Director: Woody Allen

Studio: United Artists

Available: DVD, Blu-ray, Amazon Video, YouTube

Back to the Beach (1987)

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 3 out of 10

4-Word Review: Couple revisits surfing culture.

25 years ago, Frankie (Frankie Avalon), was a hot shot surfer known as the ‘Big Kahuna’, but now he’s a middle-aged, frustrated car salesman living in Ohio.  His wife Annette (Annette Funicello) was also a part of the surfing culture and that’s where the two first met, but now she’s a suburban housewife raising a rebellious kid named Bobby (Demien Slade). Frankie longs to revisit his old stomping ground, so the family takes a trip to California to visit their daughter Sandi (Lori Laughlin) not knowing that she’s living on the beach with her boyfriend Michael (Tommy Hinkley). Frankie also runs into Connie (Connie Stevens) his old sweetheart that still has a crush on him. Annette becomes jealous of all the attention Connie gives him causing a rift between the two, so they spend the rest of their vacation doing things on their own. Annette then catches the eye of Troy (John Calvin) who chases after her while Tommy gets in with a group of punk surfers who try to take over the beach prompting Frankie to challenge their leader to a surfing contest.

The film came out at a time when many 60’s shows and movies were getting revisited usually with the same cast members, or at least those that were still alive. Frankie had been shopping around the script for many years before finally finding a taker though the studio had insisted on more campy approach, but producer/writer James Komack resisted insisting that having it a light comedy dealing with the travails of growing into middle age and being a modern-day parent was enough.

It starts out almost like Airplane!, with visual sketch-like comedy, but then meanders into being almost all talk with not a lot happening. More confrontations or dilemmas, even the comic variety, would’ve helped, but instead the second half stagnates. Frankie and Annette ‘breaking up’ is a good example as the minute after having their spat they secretly long to get back together. It would’ve been a more intriguing story had the two genuinely went their separate ways only to decide at the very end that being a part wasn’t worth it and then make an attempt to reconcile, so there would at least be some dramatic tension, which is otherwise totally lacking.

Frankie is amusing and looks almost like he hadn’t aged a day and the potshots at his ‘perfect hair’, which looks suspiciously like a hair piece, are fun. Connie enlivens things as the beach blonde bimbo and Bob Denver is fun playing off his Gilligan persona, this time as a bartender known as ‘little buddy’. Some of the other cameos don’t work as well including Don Adams as The Harbormaster who initially seems like he’s going to ruin the festivities but gets neutered away too easily making his presence seem rather pointless. Having the son Bobby dressing and acting like a punk right from the start is off-putting and not funny. Would’ve been better and allowed for some character arch had he been super clean-cut, maybe in an effort to emulate his dad, only to get ‘corrupted’ when he meets the punks and then changing his look.

Funicello’s presence was disappointing. She hadn’t been in a movie in a while and was better known to younger audiences for being a spokesperson for Skippy peanut butter, which the film does parody, but her acting is rather stiff. This was when she began experiencing MS symptoms, so that may have had something to do with it, but her character is one-dimensional. She never says or does anything outrageous and is too ‘goody-goody’ making her moments flat and forgettable. It’s possible she didn’t have the acting chops to play anything different though it would’ve been nice had she at least tried to go against her image a little.

The film ends on a high note. I enjoyed seeing Frankie back on the surfboard even if he does it in front of a green screen, but I really felt there needed to be more jokes and a faster pace. Trying to turn it into a ‘dramedy’ was not what these cartoon characters needed. A surreal edge was necessary and though it teases this concept at times it wasn’t enough turning it into a misfire that never quite takes off.

My Rating: 3 out of 10

Released: August 7, 1987

Runtime: 1 Hour 32 Minutes

Rated PG

Director: Lyndall Hobbs

Studio: Paramount Pictures

Available: DVD, Blu-ray, Amazon Video, PlutoTV, YouTube

Cheech and Chong’s The Corsican Brothers (1984)

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 1 out of 10

4-Word Review: Feeling pain from sibling.

In France during the 1840’s two brothers, Luis and Lucien (Cheech Marin, Thomas Chong), are orphaned when their fathers die during a duel. Over time they realize they can feel the other’s pain and then split up and go their separate ways at age 9 after they accidentally burn down their house. 20 years later they meet up but find that their personalities are quite different with Lucien upset about the treatment of the pheasants and hoping to start a revolution while Luis wants to avoid all confrontations. Both of them draw the ire of the Queen’s henchman Fuckaire (Roy Dotrice) forcing them go in disguise in order to visit the Queen’s two daughters (Shelby Chong, Rikki Marin).

If there was ever a movie idea that cried out impending disaster during the planning stages it was this one and how it ever went into full-fledged production is a mystery, but far more interesting to explore than anything that’s actually in the film. Possibly the two got the idea after having brief cameo’s in Yellowbeard, another period piece parody, but the red flags should’ve gone up immediately. The whole reason Cheech and Chong became such a hit was their stoner caricatures and without that there’s nothing to watch. The two have proven in previous installments of the film series to be very good at playing different characters, but they were always in support. It was the stoner comedy routine that made it a hit and getting completely away from that and even changing the time period to the 18th century was too extreme and fans of the duo’s earlier work rightly stayed away.

The only possible chance it could’ve had would’ve been if the stoners had found some sort of time machine and went back into history where their mentalities would clash with those from the different culture though even this could’ve backfired, but at least it would’ve kept some slim thread from the other films in the series versus this way where there’s no connection. Yes, it still has the two stars, but their roles here just aren’t funny or engaging. Clearly their egos had them thinking it was all about them, but it really wasn’t and without the right material these two really struggle with a lot of the attempted humor coming off as strained.

The running gag dealing with their ability to feel the other’s pain runs out of steam fast and outside of that there’s really no laughs with many of the bits seeming better suited for a TV-sitcom if even that. The ending scene where Cheech imagines what the women he’s about to marry will look when they get older is the only unique moment with everything else being borrowed from some other movie, or show, which in almost all cases did it better than here. Only Edie McClurg and Dotrice have anything that is even faintly memorable, and their presence help keeps it slightly afloat.

It’s also fun to see Rae Dawn Chong, Tommy’s daughter, in a small bit as a gypsy that they meet while at a restaurant. Rae has always seemed to have a much different mentality than her father who’s predominantly goofy while she comes-off as serious, so I liked the idea of them sharing some scenes together but wished it hadn’t been so brief and that she’d been given a bigger role.

The only good thing to come out of this is that it finally became clear to everyone involved that it was time to put the whole thing to rest and both men decided to split-up and go their separate ways. The reason for this came when the two had a falling-out during postproduction when Chong decided to dub Cheech’s wife’s lines with a voiceover expert. Both were able to find success individually and finally reunited to bring back their stoner characters in an animated film in 2013.

My Rating: 1 out of 10

Released: July 27, 1984

Runtime: 1 Hour 30 Minutes 

Rated PG

Director: Thomas Chong

Studio: Orion Pictures

Available: DVD, 

Johnny Dangerously (1984)

johnnydangerously

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 3 out of 10

4-Word Review: From newsboy to gangster.

Young Johnny (Byron Thames) must find some income to help his mother (Maureen Stapleton) with her medical expenses. He catches the eye of Jocko (Peter Boyle) a notorious gangster who offers him odd crime jobs to do part-time and Johnny takes him up on it but feels guilty. The years pass and a grown-up Johnny (Micheal Keaton) finds that his mother’s health hasn’t improved, and the bills continue, so he decides to get into the gangster business full-time and even takes over as head of the gang once run by Jocko. The money is so good that it not only covers everything his mother could need but also helps his younger brother Tommy (Griffin Dunne) get through law school. However, once Tommy graduates, he gets a job at the D.A. office where becomes committed to stamp out corruption and put all criminals behind bars even if it would mean his older brother.

The pace and structure are modeled after the more successful Airplane movies in which the light plot works as a platform for a barrage of rapid-fire jokes and pratfalls mostly satirizing gangster movies from the ’30’s. While Airplane came off as fresh and funny as it poked fun of all the disaster movies from the ’70’s this thing seems old and tired before it’s barely even begun. The biggest issue is that gangsters had already been parodied for many years both in TV and on the big screen. By the time this movie came-out most of the jokes had already been used many times over and the comedy fails to create anything inventive. The characters are nothing more than walking-talking cliches that mouth banal one-liners and not much else. Almost all the jokes fall flat, nothing sticks and has no edge to it. It’s something that could’ve easily been made for TV and it should be no surprise that the writers were two men who helped create the ‘Different Strokes’ TV-show.

What surprised me most is that it wasn’t even dirty, or at least not that much. It’s directed by Amy Heckerling who had just gotten done doing Fast Times at Ridgemont High, which seemed to have bawdiness and sexual innuendoes in almost every frame and yet here there’s surprisingly very little. Yes, there’s an animated segment dealing with victims of enlarge scrotums, which doesn’t have much to do with the story, but is kind of amusing, but that’s about it. Some more sex and even nudity could’ve helped enliven things, or at the very least given something more to laugh it. The malapropisms by the gangster character Moronie, played by Richard Dimitri, where he uses a lot of colorful language that sounds like curse words, but really aren’t I didn’t find to be clever at all. Today words like fuck and fucking are used liberally in social media and even casual daily conversations. I even hear young neighborhood kids saying it, so for a movie to think that it’s ‘pushing the envelope’ by having someone use phrases the sound like the F-word but aren’t makes the movie seem quite dated.

I didn’t care for Keaton. He comes-off like some smart ass who’s phoning in his performance with a pasted-on smile that never leaves his face. It’s like he isn’t even acting or trying to create any type of character. He just casually walks on, makes a semi-amusing remark, and then walks-off. Thames who played the younger version of Johnny was better and the movie could’ve been more engaging had Johnny remained a kid the whole way and then watching an innocent teen take down the gangsters and even ultimately become their leader would’ve had some original spin that’s otherwise lacking.

Joe Piscopo, who plays Johnny’s criminal rival, is quite good and as opposed to Keaton, seems to be making some sort of effort to play a role and I thought he should’ve been in it more, or even just given the reins and taken over completely. The film’s promotional poster makes it seem like the two will have equal screentime, but that’s shockingly not the case and Joe’s presence amounts to a few walk-ons, which is a shame.

The rest of the supporting cast are equally wasted. Marilu Henner sings a nice dance number but otherwise doesn’t do or say anything else that’s interesting. Stapleton looks way too old for the role of a mother and would be more suited as a grandmother. At one point she even refers to herself as being ’29’ despite having gray hair. Don’t know if this was meant to be a ‘funny joke’, but it doesn’t work and is dumb like most everything else. Dunne is miscast as well. He’s supposed to be this young idealist but appears much more like someone already in their 30’s and would’ve been more authentic had they gotten a college aged student with a wide-eyed, clean-cut image versus Dunne who’s always had more of a weary and beaten down impression. Dom Deluise though is the most out-of-place in a part that amounts to being a cameo as the Pope who appears inexplicably on a city sidewalk for some strange reason that misses-the-mark completely in a gag that like everything else gets thrown-in with little thought, or care.

I did do enjoy Danny DeVito who amazes me how even when given small roles still manage to steal the proceedings especially with his impromptu hosting of a game show send-up. I’ll even give a few props to the ‘pass the secret message’ segment done inside a jail where one prisoner whispers something into another prisoner’s ear, who then passes it along to yet another guy and so forth down the line until it gets to the last one where the initial message has now become completely distorted, which got me to laugh, but honestly that was the only time during the whole viewing that I did.

My Rating: 3 out of 10

Released: December 21, 1984

Runtime: 1 Hour 30 Minutes

Rated PG-13

Director: Amy Heckerling

Studio: 20th Century Fox

Available: DVD

The Big Bus (1976)

bigbus1

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 6 out of 10

4-Word Review: Bomb planted on bus.

Cyclops is the new revolutionary designed double-decker bus that because it’s powered by nuclear fuel will allow it to travel non-stop between New York and Denver. Just before it’s set to make its maiden voyage a bomb goes off within the facility it’s been housed in, which seriously injures the bus’s designer Professor Baxter (Harold Gould). The vehicle itself remains unscathed, so the Professor’s daughter, Kitty (Stockard Channing), takes control of the project and hires a new driver named Dan (Joseph Bologna) whom she had a relationship with in the past. Dan though is still fighting-off the stigma of having crashed another bus into the mountains, and after being stranded for many days ended up reverting to cannibalism by eating all the rest of the passengers. The trip faces further obstacles when unscrupulous billionaire Iron Lung (Joes Ferrer), who resides inside a iron lung due to having polio as a child, orders his henchmen Alex (Stuart Margolin) to plant a bomb on the bus, so that it will be destroyed and prevent nuclear fuel from overtaking gasoline of which he owns much stock. Will Dan be able to overcome both his past and personal problems to both find and prevent the bomb from going off, or will this become yet another disaster on his already checkered past?

While Airplane! is widely thought-of as being the original parody of 70’s disaster flicks it’s really this one that came out a full 4 years earlier that deserves the credit. While it didn’t do well at the box office, which essentially pushed it off into obscurity it still upon second look has a lot of funny moments and deserves much more attention than it has gotten.  Not every gag works and some do fizzle, but the script by writing team Fred Freeman and Lawrence J. Cohen has far more hits than misses. Some of the best bits are the indoor swimming pool on the bus as well as the bowling alley and disco and the radiation suit to put on in times of emergency including the reaction of the passengers when it gets hung down from the ceiling compartment during the flight instructions. The attempt to treat the bus like it’s a metaphor for an airplane, which was the mode of transportation used in most disaster flicks, is quite funny especially the scene where crews in a small town try to halt the bus, or essentially ‘force it to land’ by spraying the main street with foam in order to slow the vehicle down.

The acting is in top form with many familiar faces from both television and the big screen. Stockard was probably my favorite she pretty much plays her part straight, but still manages to be quite amusing especially during the segment when she gets stuck inside a room that fills up with soda, which she stated in later interviews she almost drowned in.  Richard Mulligan and Sally Kellerman are equally amusing as a soon-to-be-divorced couple who share a rather unusual love-hate relationship. Larry Hagman as a dubious doctor, Ned Beatty as a moody technician and Murphy Dunne as a caustic pianist all help to top-it-off. Even Bologna, whose normally brash persona doesn’t make him a likely hero, scores comedic points though John Beck as his co-driver with a tendency to pass-out the second he gets nervous steals away most of the scenes they share.

Spoiler Alert!

The actual disaster, where the bus precariously balances over a cliff, is nicely photographed in a way that makes it seem real with some good stunt work, but I was disappointed that this ends up being the only real exciting moment. I didn’t like either that at the very end, just before the final credits begin to roll, the bus splits apart, which creates screams from the passengers. This was the type of movie where despite their oddball nature I had grown kind of fond of the daffy bunch and wanted to see them arrive safely, which with the ending here doesn’t occur. Instead the viewer is left (no pun intended) hanging, which is a giant cop-out. Just about every disaster flick made offers a conclusion where we see if the people ultimately make it out alive, or not and doing it the way they do here makes the viewer feel like they’ve seen only half a movie, which could explain why this did poorly at the box office.

A  good way to have prevented this would’ve been to chop up the beginning, which has a lot of unnecessary back-story. The bombing of the facility wasn’t needed as all of the calamity should’ve been saved for the bus ride itself. Dan’s visit to a bar in which the patrons harass him about his notorious past gets cheesy, particularly the cartoonish barroom brawl. This should’ve been cut- out too. The rumors of Dan’s supposed cannibalism could’ve been brought up at the press conference announcing the bus’s initial trip and seeing Dan’s uncomfortable response would’ve been enough to make the audience realize he had personal demons to overcome. The rest of the time could then be spent on the various problems that the bus runs into as it travels on road, which would’ve allowed for more excitement versus having the disaster portion seem like a side-story to the barrage of jokes that don’t always work.

My Rating: 6 out of 10

Released: July 23, 1976

Runtime: 1 Hour 28 Minutes

Rated PG

Director: William Frawley

Studio: Paramount

Available: DVD, Blu-ray, Amazon Video, YouTube

Haunted Honeymoon (1986)

haunted

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 1 out of 10

4-Word Review: Boyhood home is haunted.

Larry (Gene Wilder) and Vickie (Gilda Radner) are performers on a popular radio show who are also engaged to be married. Ever since the wedding date has been set Larry has been going through a variety of odd behaviors including flubbing his lines and even making incoherent statements during the production that go over the air. Vickie thinks it’s just his nerves about getting married, but Dr. Paul Abbott (Paul L. Smith), who also happens to be Larry’s uncle, thinks it’s much more than that. He feels the only way to cure him will be shock therapy, or in this case to ‘scare him to death’. Since Larry plans on having his wedding at his boyhood home, which is an old rural castle, the doctor feels this will be the perfect spot to engage with the frights. Everyone on the premises is in on the plan, eventually even including Vickie, but as the make believe haunting commences it soon becomes obvious that there’s some real scares too that frightens everyone.

Gene grew up as a child reportedly scared of horror movies and tried to avoid them, but did enjoy what he called ‘comedy chillers’, which were movies that had some scares, but also balanced with laughs and sought out to create one of his own. He started writing the script while he was starring in Silver Streak, but then lost interest and put it away. While he was filming Hanky Pankyin which he met Radner whom he later married, he got interested in continuing with the script especially at her insistence as she felt it would make a great vehicle for the two.

The problem with it is that he created something completely out of touch with the times. Haunted houses, werewolves and other elements from 1930’s movies had all been parodied for decades to the point it had almost become a cliche in itself. This film adds nothing fresh to the mix and feeds off of gags and stunts that had been done hundreds of times making it lame right from the start. Had it been more updated to add in elements from modern day horror movies, or changed the setting so it wasn’t just the predictable rural castle complete with thunder and lightning outside, then maybe it might’ve had a chance, or at least piqued people’s interests, but as it is here the stuff is routine and lacking in originality.

The biggest shock is that you have Dom DeLuise in full drag and yet he isn’t funny at all. Wilder got the idea to use him for the part when he saw him impersonate Ethel Barrymore years earlier at a dinner theater he attended, but the mistake was that Gene wanted him to literally play it straight, but why put a guy in full female get-up if you’re not going to give it any type of payoff? It’s a shame too because I’ve found Dom to sometimes be quite hilarious and even be the scene stealer in some of his other films. Jonathan Pryce, who was also in the movie, stated how the entire cast and crew would sit around and let Dom entertain them between takes, but whatever he said and did off camera was missing onscreen and even the duet that he sings with Gilda fails to elicit even a chuckle.

The story creates this big set-up and then goes nowhere with it. Gene gives himself a few amusing bits and I suppose Bryan Pringle, who plays the aging butler named Pfister, and even Ann Way with her distinctive hawk-like facial features, have a couple of funny moments, but everything else falls flat including Radner who isn’t funny at all and overall given a very thankless part by no less than her own husband.

The film lost money at the box office and despite a month of promotions and ads it only managed to remain in theaters for week before it was pulled. It polled poorly amongst critics and audiences alike, which is probably the only real funny thing is what occurred behind-the-scense as the studio, Orion Pictures, refused to screen it for critics before giving it a general release. Usually when this happens it’s a sign that the studio heads know they have a stinker on their hands, but they denied this saying they were ‘very comfortable’ with the movie and ‘behind it 100 percent’ and only avoided the advance screening because there had been a ‘tendency lately by critics to be quite vicious about films’ in general and they didn’t want to ‘cater’ to that, but you’d think if they really knew they had a great movie their fear of ‘vicious reviews’ wouldn’t have been a factor.

My Rating: 1 out of 10

Released: July 25, 1986

Runtime: 1 Hour 22 Minutes

Rated PG

Director: Gene Wilder

Studio: Orion Pictures

Available: DVD, Blu-ray