Tag Archives: Richard Martini

You Can’t Hurry Love (1988)

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By Richard Winters

My Rating: 1 out of 10

4-Word Review: From Ohio to L.A.

Eddie (David Packer) is tired of living in the Midwest and after a failed relationship decides to pack his bags and head out west looking for new opportunities. He moves in with his cousin Skip (Scott McGinnis) who already lives in Los Angeles, in order to check-out the scene, but finds everyone to be weird and wacky. He goes on several job interviews, but none of them hire him. He meets pretty Peggy (Bridget Fonda) who works at a video dating service and makes a video of his own, but his attempts to be somebody he really isn’t backfires at every turn. Can Eddie find true love and happiness and will anyone who watches this movie really care if he does or doesn’t?

One of the main problems is Packer, who strangely enough went on to star in another movie,¬†The Runnin’ Kind, just a year later that had almost the exact same storyline. Quite frankly I was surprised he got any part at all as he came into this already with baggage, which stemmed from what occurred on October 30, 1982. On that night he was at the home of actress Dominique Dunne rehearsing a scene for the upcoming TV-miniseries ‘V’ when her ex-boyfriend John Thomas Sweeney came over and preceded to attack and kill her. Some felt that Packer should’ve/could’ve intervened and had he done so she might still be alive today. While I’ll refrain from passing judgement in that area I will say that his acting here is one of the worst I’ve ever seen in a mainstream Hollywood production. His eyes have a glazed over appearance and his face a shit-eating grin. His vocal delivery is quite monotone like someone who’s high and only half there. Fonda on the other hand (this essentially constitutes as her film debut since the 4 films she did previously were either animated, shorts, or non-speaking parts) is quite engaging despite her part being just as poorly written as his, but her superior acting ability shines through while Packer’s drags it down.

The script by Richard Martini tries too hard to recreate the surreal atmosphere from After Hours, but the cultish vibe from that one doesn’t click here. That one starred Griffin Dunne, (who was ironically Dominique’s real-life brother) who was better able to create a believable character that the viewer could identify with and emotionally connect to while Packer is a transparent guy you wish would just go away. It also overly plays-up the flaky stereotype of those living on the west coast. I resided in L.A. or 6 months and I can attest that some of the people out there are a bit eccentric, but they’re not all that way and the film should’ve brought in a few normal ones for balance.

Cameo appearances by famous actors do help a little. Charles Grodin is amusing as the blue collar-like father of one of Packer’s potential dates, who gives Packer, before they proceed on their date, some very brash and straightforward advice. Kristy McNichol is engaging too as a punk girl who harbors a man-hating streak. The funniest of them all though is Lu Leonard as the director of the video dating service that Packer joins who helps coach him on how to present himself to his potential dates. In fact the video dating aspect, of which I admit I was a part of back in the 90’s, is kind of funny and the movie should’ve centered everything around the inner-workings of a dating service franchise, which would’ve been far more interesting and insightful.

My Rating: 1 out of 10

Released: January 20, 1988

Runtime: 1 Hour 32 Minutes

Rated R

Director: Richard Martini

Studio: Lightning Pictures

Available: DVD, Amazon Video, YouTube

Three for the Road (1987)

By Richard Winters

My Rating: 3 out of 10

4-Word Review: Transporting¬†politician’s bratty daughter.

Paul (Charlie Sheen) aspires to have a career in politics and is an ardent believer in the political system and the politicians who work in it. He becomes an aide to Senator Kitteridge (Raymond J. Berry) where he gets assigned to transport the senator’s rebellious daughter Robin (Kerri Green) to an institution for troubled girls. Paul’s writer roommate T.S. (Alan Ruck) comes along with him, but they face many hurdles keeping Robin under control. Eventually Paul bonds with her when he realizes her father isn’t really the great guy he pretends to be, but instead an abuser.

This film is yet another victim of a script, which was written by Richard Martini, that was intended to be far different than what it turned out to be. Originally the idea was to center it on the political angle where the father was a conservative who wanted to put Robin into hiding simply because she was a liberal activist stirring up trouble. Yet after extensive rewrites by three other writers the story becomes just another shallow romance-on-the-road flick that shifts to extremes from slapstick comedy to hackney drama.

One of the things that’s most problematic is the father asking a young man who he really doesn’t know to transport his daughter to some far off location and even gives him handcuffs to use on her just in case she gets ‘out-of-line’, but what sort of parent would hand his teen daughter over to a virtual stranger and trust he won’t rape her? A far more plausible premise would’ve had him entrusting his daughter to a longtime friend, who he at least had better reason to trust. Instead of having her go with guys around her same age, where sexual urges are high, the escort could’ve been middle-aged. Yes, this would take away the teen romance element, which quite frankly comes-off as formuliac and forced anyways, but it could also have brought up generational issues, which would’ve been more interesting.

Sheen, who has described this film as being “a piece of shit that I wished didn’t exist and that I was terrible in”, is actually the best thing in it. I enjoyed seeing him play this straight-lace guy, which he is good at doing, that completely works against his real-life party-boy image. The only issue with him is that his character arc, where he starts out believing in the integrity of the senator father only to eventual grow disillusioned with him, is too predictable and obvious. Most people, even back in the 80’s, had a cynical take on politicians just like they do now. A far better arc would’ve had him cynical about politics, getting into it as an aide simply to boost his career, but not actually believing in the system, only to find much to his surprise that there actually was at least one politician that was honorable.

Green’s character plays too much into the ‘wild teen’ stereotype and her outrageous antics are more obnoxious than funny. She’s also too short and seemingly too young for Sheen, making the romance seem off-kilter. I also didn’t like that during the trip the main characters come into contact with the same people they’ve bumped into before. I’ve taken many long road trips and have never encountered this phenomenon and it really doesn’t add anything to the script especially since the person they keep crossing paths with is a brainless jock (Eric Bruskotter) that culminates into a silly car chase that just succeeds at making the whole thing even more inane than it already is.

There’s enough action and twists to keep it going, but it also becomes increasingly more strained as it goes along. The tacked-on drama along with the over-the-top prison break, which gets pulled-off in too easily a fashion, is particularly torturous and makes this one road trip you won’t mind missing.

My Rating: 3 out of 10

Released: April 10, 1987

Runtime: 1 Hour 28 Minutes

Rated PG

Director: B.W.L. Norton

Studio: New Century Vista Film Company

Available: DVD