By Richard Winters
My Rating: 0 out of 10
4-Word Review: He inherits three orangutans.
Foster (Tony Danza) is an outcast in his family because when he grew up, he did not get involved in the family’s circus business. Now that his father has died, he’s set to inherit nothing and everything left to his greedy sisters, at least that’s what he presumes. Instead, he’s given custody of three orangutans that were part of his father’s circus business. If he can care for them for 5-years and none of them dies he’s set to inherit the $5 million estate. Foster takes on the challenge, but his live-in girlfriend Cynthia (Stacey Nelkin) doesn’t care for it and moves-out while Foster spends the rest of the time trying to win her back. He also becomes menaced by a couple of mafia-styled hitmen (Art Metrano, Frank Sivero) who want to kidnap the apes and do harm to them because if just one of them dies then the entire fortune would go to the zoo.
In 1977 Jeremy Joe Kronsberg was a struggling writer who had only one writing credit to his name, penning an episode to the short-lived series ‘Code R’. He sent out a script called Every Which Way But Loose, that all the studios rejected it as they considered the storyline and comedy be inane and silly. However, by chance Clint Eastwood came upon it and to the surprise of many decided to take it on as his next vehicle. He had been looking to do a comedy in order to broaden his appeal and thought this script would achieve that despite the advice from his agent and production staff who all insisted it would be a bad idea. The movie managed to make a ton at the box office, which convinced Hollywood studio heads and producers alike that maybe this Kronsberg guy, which they had all considered to be a hack writer, ‘had something’ that they just didn’t see and therefore his next script, no matter how bad it may seem, was going to be automatically green-lit and what’s more he’d even be given the offer to direct it.
It was like the Hollywood dream. The little guy that everybody thought had no talent was suddenly the overnight success story, but like with a lot of Hollywood dreams, it didn’t end so well. This movie became both a critical and box office bomb and lead any potential future offers that Kronsberg may have had thrown off the table. Though he’s still alive today, at the ripe old age of 87, he never got another script or teleplay sold and his entire Hollywood ‘career’ ended up being nothing more than a 3-year flash.
The film starts out alright. I actually chuckled at the Danza character cutting-off splinters from his wood desk and trying to sell it as pieces of Babe Ruth’s bat, but the quirkiness of the beginning gets overtaken by the orangutans, which I found ugly and obnoxious. Their rotted teeth alone are disgusting to look at and every time they open their mouths it’s more unsettling than peering into a hillbilly’s. They were trained by then world famous Bobby Berosini, a Czech born immigrant who became a famous orangutan trainer that began to do stage shows with them in Las Vega during the 70’s, but then in 1988 a Vegas dancer secretly recorded him abusing the apes, including slapping and punching them, before going onstage and when it was sent to PETA it became available to the public and his career and image took a massive downfall.
The stupid villains, which are nothing more than a hammy, cliched send-up from the Godfather movies, are pathetic and the point where the movie really goes downhill. Their pratfalls are dumber than something you’d see in a kiddie flick and devolve the film into the inanest level possible. It’s also chillingly prophetic as Metrano, who plays the head-honcho, is seen twice falling from a lofty height including once out of high-rise window, which had a creepy similarity to his real-life accident in 1989 when he fell from a ladder and became paralyzed.
Danza is likable enough, but I found his character to be ridiculous with the way he put up with the apes even as they tore-up his apartment and kind of felt he should’ve given-up on them just like his girlfriend did and came to the conclusion the money wasn’t worth the hassle and just pawned them off on somebody else, or even given them away to the zoo who seemed so desperate for the fortune. Despite winning the Razzie award for his performance I really felt it was DeVito, who speaks in an accent, that was the scene-stealer and had he been made the star it might’ve worked better.
Nelkin is cute, so she gets a few points there, and Walter has great potential as her snobby mother, but unfortunately her services here get greatly misused as she soon sides with Danza and his cause instead of working against him and becoming the chief villainess of which she would’ve been great.
There are some reviewers on IMDb who proudly insist that this is ‘the greatest movie ever made’, but I feel they are either desperate for attention and will say any outrageous thing to get it, or haven’t seen any of the timeless classics, so that they really don’t know what they’re talking about. In either case this is a bad movie that will harbor very little enjoyment to anyone who sees it whether they’re young or old. Yes, there’s a big smash-up car chase at the end, but this is just thrown-in to camouflage the lack of originality in the story.
My Rating: 0 out of 10
Released: April 10, 1981
Runtime: 1 Hour 27 Minutes
Rated PG
Director: Jeremy Joe Kronsberg
Studio: Paramount
Available: Blu-ray, Amazon Video, YouTube
Scopophilia 